When you are a single mother, life can be overwhelming. Put together in this article is many ways you can improve the relationship with yourself.
What is a single mother?
The textbook definition of a single mother is “a mother who does not have a husband or partner” Merriam Webster Dictionary.
What it really should say is: a person who decided to give every ounce of their life to supporting and raising happy and healthy children.
There are many different circumstances that create single moms. Whether it was by choice to have a better life and get out of a bad situation, or whether becoming a single mom just turned out to be your lot in life. It doesn’t affect how good of a mother you can blossom into or how much your kids will love you.
There are many challenges to being a single mom, some more difficult than others. It may feel as though you are trying to mop the ocean dry at times when everything seems to be falling apart. That’s okay! There are some things that you will at first perceive as going wrong because they are unplanned, but they turn out to be just what you needed. The flip side of that coin is that there are things that will just go plain wrong. Nothing in this world is worthwhile unless it has some hard work and perseverance attached to it.
One of the most wonderful things about being a single mom, is the relationship with your kids that will last a lifetime. Being raised by a single mom can be one of the most comforting things as a child because you know you will always have that special person in your corner who will never give up on you.
How do you balance your life with kids?
We’ve established that nothing come to you in this life is easy, including raising your kids. That does not mean it can’t be fun though! You can have that balanced life you have always strived for, and you don’t need to go find a partner to do it. You just have to be prepared.
Let’s say you want to go out on the town dating without the kids, you’ve got a plan together and you are looking forward to the rare occasion that you get to step out. You’ve got the nice clothes, done your hair, and even shaved your legs. Then you receive the dreaded “I can’t make it” text from your babysitter. Good thing you are prepared for this because you know life can cause unexpected things to happen – and you call your second and third babysitter to see if they are available. The good news is that one of them agreed, and once again you are back on track to taking care of your kids and prioritizing yourself at the same time.
While having a night out on the town can be necessary to inject some positive adult experiences in your life; some of the best ways to balance out your home life with kids and yourself, is to do activities that you both can enjoy. Like going to the local aquarium, getting outside together to ride bikes, dating or throw water balloons or grabbing some cheap tickets to a baseball game. Do things that make your inner kid smile, it will guarantee make your child smile too.
One avenue to explore to feeling balance in your life is not zoning out to too much tv. Even if you only can get 30 minutes of activity time with your son or daughter in between work, dinner, and bed it will be a release of serotonin for both of you and bring you closer as a family that does things together. Get out there and create those memories! They will remember and laugh about the time they sprayed you with the water hose, but endless tv nights will ultimately just pass the time without creating anything memorable.
How do you overcome the financial strain of being a single mother?
One of the biggest problems women face in becoming a single mother is the amount of money coming in. Whether you have 1 kid or 11 children, this will undoubtedly be one of the biggest stressors in your life. So how do you overcome this rhetoric?
- Get a good job.
It sounds easier than it is, but there are ways you can ensure that you have the best job for your current situation, and how to get the best job you can if you don’t already have it.
- Attain Certifications
Proving that you have completed a training will show your potential value to a company looking for people who are willing to give it all. Google just rolled out a new program called ‘Grow with Google’ and it has learning opportunities that include Data Analysis, Android Development, Project Management, Digital Marketing and more!
They claim that they will help job seekers with resume tips, interviews, and job searches. Grow Google Enabling you to land a job in the rapidly growing technology sector. They need more brains in the technology field and they are willing to help people get there. Take advantage!
You can attain these certificates 100% online and the best part is, it is very low cost when you compare it to getting a certificate from your local community college. There are a few certificates that will cost you $40 a month. While access to the android development is free, with the test costing $150. Small bones compared to an average cost of a 1-year certificate from your local community college at $6,300. College Tuition Compare
Other things you can investigate are becoming a notary and signing up on an app that let the customers come to you for some side income. Think about setting up that dream career you’ve always thought about. It will take hard work to do what you always dreamed of, even if you didn’t have kids.
- Choose a job that chooses it’s employees
Embodying the best version of motherhood includes being picky about your work life. If you have a job that barely pays your bills, isn’t considerate about your work-life balance, or is just plain draining – you can make a change that will inevitably show your kids that they are worth more than the bare minimum - and you are too.
You deserve a job that will enable you to have more time with your kids, and one that will earn you more money. When you go to peruse those online job boards, look at what different workplaces are offering. Are they rated as a top workplace in your town, or country? What are the employee reviews like? What is the health plan? Do they have enough paid time off that you can manage a full-time job and kids?
Take a look at your budget, what’s the minimum you can make to pay your bills and be able to afford at least one night of fun a paycheck? How much do you need to make to be able to pay off your car quicker? How much do you need to make to be able to live with some savings?
Once you have an amount in your head, don’t accept less than what your worth when you are searching for new opportunities. You need to open yourself up to find that job that will allow you to work your way up the ladder.
- Single moms are capable of great things
- Create a solid support system despite the fact it is hard
- Plan ahead
- Work on yourself
- Dating is hard but possible and lots of people find a match
Finding your support system
The benefits of a support system include buffering stress, giving advice, better physical and emotional health, and much more.
Not all single mothers will or can rely on their parents or more distant relatives for support. There is no shame in distancing yourself from toxic people, friends or family. But you will need to find a support system that you can rely on, even if its just for an escape for a little while.
An easy way to join a support system is to go to a place where people of your same beliefs congregate. That could be church, aa, an online single mother support group, a raising teens support group, a workout page on Facebook that promotes healthy ideals, a book club at your local library, a crafty mothers Twitch or YouTube stream, the list could go on.
You can easily back yourself into a corner as a single mom and feel despair that you are alone in this. You can just as easily put yourself into social situations that can blossom friendships that can last a lifetime.
If it feels too intimidating to put yourself in these social situations, allow yourself the opportunity to get out of your own box. You can learn how to treat others in ways that will help gain you friends by reading or listing to self help books. You can work yourself up to the courage it takes to get out there and gain a support system.
Another great way to help alleviate the stressors of being a single mother is to workout. It will increase mental stability by providing you a rush of serotonin after a workout. Getting into the habit of moving your body will show your kids the importance of staying healthy and it will give you the mental fortitude to not act out of emotion towards them or anyone else.
The great thing about living in the age of technology is you can workout anywhere with the help of a personal trainer, for free!
You can follow workout videos on YouTube in your living room with your air pod in, so you don’t wake the kids up too early. You can download a free app that will give you workout routines to do in small places like your bedroom. Or “quiet” workouts that don’t involve your feet making too much noise. There are plenty of yoga apps on the market as well that can help ease you into the habit of working out. You can wake up early or stay up late and go for a walk. (Or make the kids go with you!)
If you feel confident enough to go without the advice of a trainer then you can create your own workouts using ideas from Pinterest that will fit your space and time you have given yourself. Or you can join a gym that also has childcare, although fair warning - these gyms do tend to be on the pricey side.
When you get down to it, you will be creating more gas in your tank to provide a better environment for your kid, mentally and physically, when you develop the habit of working out.
Of course, eating real food comes along with working out as a bonus! It is hard to stick to an eating plan, and there isn’t a need to go join weight watchers right now. (Although they do promote healthy habits when compared to other weight loss programs).
If you can make small changes at first, like buying granola bars instead of pop tarts, you will begin to see the difference it can make in your life. Adding real fruit and vegetables to your diet can also help create energy to handle the single mother lifestyle.
All in all, if you truly want to bring your best self forward for your kids and yourself as a single mom, you must cultivate healthy habits physically and mentally. All the above is opportunity for change. It is completely optional; you can keep watching tv and working a job that barely covers the bills. But that isn’t the life you deserve. Just because you don’t have another adult helping you raise your child; doesn’t mean you have to drown. You can thrive in this life with your kids beside you.
Powerful single mom quotes!
Why not to be inspired by powerful single mom quotes. We have found few resources you might like: