Help for Single Mothers

Emotional Toll

Among the slew of challenges you will face as a single mother, the emotional toll can be the most arduous. While having depression and feeling lonely is completely normal for a single mother, there is no reason to succumb to it for your whole life.

Understand that this is not a suggestion implicating that you might need a significant other. Simply put, you might need to seriously think about therapy as a safe space where you can share your problems without judgement.

In 2022 there are many convenient programs to get therapy.

• The app ‘Better Health’ Better Help being one of them. They have glowing reviews on the app store with a 4.8-star average. App Store

When you download the app, they will ask you a series of questions to determine which of their therapists would fit best with you.

• If you are utilizing Medicaid or other forms of health insurance, then you can find a local mental heath care provider near you, that will be in your coverage if ‘Better Help’ is not.

There are many ways to go about this, you can either contact your provider directly to give you a list of therapists in your area that are covered under your insurance, or you can google and investigate the offices closest you with a few phone calls.

• There are also many different online forums or groups on the internet that can be of help to you.

Like the Facebook groups Single Mothers Raising Sons and Successful Single Mothers.

Remember, just because you are struggling doesn't mean you have to go through life alone. One of the best ways to help your kids, is to help yourself. By becoming more emotionally stable and providing a more well-rounded example as a provider, you can teach your kids how to handle their own emotions. That can be a remarkable skill to start life with.

Exhaustion

Another complication of being a single mother is exhaustion. Between the long nights, early mornings, and working to provide, any mother would be exhausted.

While your kids are one of the biggest blessings in your life, there isn’t anything wrong with admitting you could use a break from time to time.

On a website called ‘Care’ you can find vetted babysitter to allow you to take a night for yourself. Care website

If you aren’t comfortable with finding a new person to watch your kids, you should rely on your existing support system. Whether its family, coworkers, or friends - chances are you know someone who you trust enough to watch your kids for the night.

• Another way to get some alone time is sleepovers!

If you know someone that has similar age kids and they get along, you could arrange a deal where on Friday the kids stay with you and on Saturday the kids stay Similarly, even if all you can find is someone who will take them for a couple of hours after school, so you can decompress on a bad day, do it.

It is crucial to take care of yourself and get the recoup time you need so you can get back to normalcy.

Finances

Potentially the most difficult challenge you will face as a single mom are finances. There are plenty of reasons to keep spending money and sometimes there just isn’t enough money coming in. There are a few potential ways you can combat a lack of funds.

• Firstly, if you don’t have a job – get one.

It doesn’t matter how degrading or embarrassing it might be.

• Secondly, if you have gone longer than a year into a job without a raise – ask for one.

In your bid for a raise, you can bring up what you are already doing at your job that entitles you to a raise. If you are going above and beyond at your job, and you have been for some time - then you have an excellent chance of getting a raise.

Earning a raise can be exactly what you need to upgrade your housing

• Something else you can try is getting on a freelance site like Fiverr or Upwork.

These sites can provide you some side income that could help you provide a savings safety net, or help you get the necessities you need. It would be pertinent to check out some freelance youtubers to help you learn about what you can bring to the table as a freelancer.

All you need to get started is a computer and an internet connection. One of the best things as a freelancer is you can set up and work whenever is convenient for you. Like when the kids are napping or playing video games.

You can set up to sell almost anything, and there are many different youtubers out there that have dedicated their channel to things like copywriting and graphic design that can give you the edge you need to be better than the competition.

With freelancing your potential is only limited by the amount of work you put into it.

• Set up a budget.

Whether you use paper, excel, or an app on your phone – you have to figure out where your money is going; and if there is anything you can cut out.

• With paper and pen, you have the complete freedom of doing your budget the way your mind naturally decides where things should go and what it should look like.

• If you need a bit more structure, there are a few free templates for budgeting that excel already has built into it that you can choose from to get started with the formulas and formatting.

• If you would like to have your budget available everywhere you go, you can download an app on your phone. Most of them are free to use with limited features or ads.

Utilizing these financial tips can quickly help you get a firm grip on your money situation and turn it into something that isn’t a headache but an asset to your life.

Make your money work for you.

Legal Troubles

Most of the time becoming a single mom wasn’t your choice, and there may be legal proceedings because of that. If you are getting divorced, became widowed, or broke up with the father of your child you may be experiencing or will experience court dates. Court dates can be very expensive and time-consuming.

So beyond finding a sitter for your court dates, you may be obligated to pay exorbitant amounts to lawyers and for court fees just to remain the right to keep your kids, have estate planning or ascertain child support.

There are some programs out there that can help you with the issues of going to court. Single Mothers

Make sure to check out your local community to see what kind of programs are in your area to help single mothers. An example would be to google 'legal help for single mothers near me.

Custody Arrangments

Whether you share custody with the father or his mother, custody arrangements can be tough. Your child may not want to go to the other home, or they may want to stay. You may be wondering what is happening at the other home, like if your child is happy and safe. You may despise the traits and behaviors your child picks up at this other home because it could be interfering with how you would like to raise your child.

Like too much tv time and eating non healthy foods, or learning about certain topics that ruin your child’s innocence. While this will most likely be a permanent problem if you find yourself with this issue, there are ways you can become okay with this.

You can try to get your mind off of your probably safe child, and work on yourself in this time off. You can do things like take a long shower, go see a movie, go for a run, read a book, etc.

You can also try to open up some healthy communication with the other guardian. Try to remain calm and neutral when you face this person, as this conversation will be about the health and safety of the child; not your qualms with this other person.

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New Romantic Partners

You will inevitably move on from your child’s father and meet a man that is more in line with who you are as a person and how you would like to go through life.

You may have concerns about your child getting along with this person, what kind of parent this partner will be to your kid, or any potential backlash from your child’s father because you are happy with someone else.

Hopefully these worries stay in your head and don’t come to fruition, but if they do there are a few things you can do to help yourself. If your child and partner don’t get along, remember that you can’t force it and your child will come along with the idea.

Your partner can make continued attempts at bonding with your child to help further their relationship along, like going to a baseball game or riding bikes to the park, fishing, playing sports, etc.

If you find out the hard way that your partner is unworthy to parent your child, the answer is to boot them.

If you wanted to love someone who is beneath your standards, you would probably still be with the father of your child.

If your child’s father is acting out because he found out through the grapevine that you are dating and happy – remember that you cannot control his actions and it is best to keep your head high and spine straight.

He will eventually get over the fact that you have moved on and things will return to normal.

If the fathers’ actions become threatening anyway or if he impedes on your ability to mother your child as the custody rules state you should be able to, then you can involve the authorities to the situation.

If all they do is notate that there is an issue, and later down the line things escalate it will be much easier to prove which side of the fence is the problem.

Social Pressure

You may feel as if you are expected to be a poor family because you are a single mom. Or you may be feeling pressured into believe you can’t be a fantastic mom without someone’s help. Maybe you even feel guilty from spending a night out on the town while your child stays with a babysitter. Although facing society pressures can be difficult.

You should remember that no one else is walking in your shoes and intimately knows the struggles you face, not even other single mothers. You may feel pressured about the clothes you wear, the tattoos you have, the school you chose, or what job you have. You have to remember to not care about what other people think and instead, think of how far you’ve come and how far you will go.

Focus on the things you can control, like your actions and how you chose to raise your child.

In Conclusion

All in all, there are many challenges you have and will face as a single mother. Remember that being a single mother will not limit you in any way you can’t overcome. There are many resources out there that can aide you in your pursuit of being a well-rounded mother, and there is no shame in relying on sources outside yourself to raise your kid.

It takes a village after all.