QUICK SUMMARY
Dating can be difficult for a single mother, but the right approach and effort can still bring you to the right person. Finding the right companion is difficult for anyone at any time, but dating can be especially difficult for single mothers. To begin with, reconciling your needs and feelings with those of your kids implies that any new connection involves more than two people.
How to Cope with Dating as a Single Mom Who Feels Lonely
Going back to dating after having kids or leaving a relationship might be intimidating, but you're not alone. There are over 15 million single moms in the United States in 2020. So, if you're a single mother looking to start dating again, keep reading for some pointers on how to make your love life more gratifying and enjoyable.
Start making out time for yourself
When dating as a single mother, it's critical not to neglect your 'me time.' When you're juggling a career, parenting, and a new relationship, it's easier said than done, but any time you can commit to self-care can benefit you in other aspects of your life. If not, you might find yourself always depressed and angry. This can be as simple as making tiny modifications to your weekly schedule, such as scheduling time to see friends, participating in an exercise class, or joining a group of other single mothers.
Even a weekly relaxing hour, where you take a lengthy soak in the tub or put your feet up, might help you refresh. You may also try to make time for a personal endeavor, such as organizing a reading club or pursuing a personal hobby or passion. Anything that is unrelated to your love life and your identity as a single mother will offer you a sense of productivity and a larger sense of identity, both of which promote confidence, which can be very attractive when it comes to dating.
Prepare for dating
We don't mean how to look acceptable in the half-hour between your sitter coming and you departing on a date when we say "prepare for dating." This is about recognizing what you want out of a relationship. And telling yourself that you’re ready to enjoy your weekend evenings. If you're a single mother dating for the first time in a long time, it's likely that your last relationship didn't work out as planned, and your confidence has suffered as a result. Now is the moment to consider the type of person you want to meet next and the type of relationship you want to have - but before you do that, consider who you are right now. Make three lists: the positive traits you have, the ones you want in a partner, and the ones you want in a relationship. You can keep these to yourself or share them with a trusted friend; either way, they will help you feel better about yourself and clearer about your dating objectives. This is a terrific approach to remind yourself that you now have a blank canvas on which to build the relationship of your dreams. Dating a younger man, for example, may be at the top of an older woman's priority list - or it may not even be on the list. The key is that this is your list, your life, and your decision, whether it's to hunt for love or simply to date and have fun on your own terms.
Give online dating a try
In 2020, there were over 44 million people in the United States using dating apps. As a single mother, online dating platforms can be really beneficial. Not only are there an increasing number of sites that provide a safe, effective service and aid in the facilitation of genuine relationships, but there are also a number of characteristics that make online dating much more appropriate. You might prefer to meet people face-to-face, but the longer you wait the more loneliness creeps in. As a lonely single mom, it is normal to always lack time, making it difficult to spend evenings away from your kids. Instead of trying to meet people in person, you can use dating apps while relaxing at home when the kids are in bed.
Online dating necessitates a 'talking stage' in which you only contact with matches via instant chatting or texts. This provides you with an excellent opportunity to discover more about your possible date before making any commitments or meeting them in person. You can sign up for online services that cater to everyone from professionals to affluent women dating, encompassing all age groups, interests, and lifestyle choices. If you're a regular reader of The Telegraph, for example, you can join Telegraph Dating to meet others with similar political and current-events perspectives.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- Feeling depressed and angry is normal for a lonely single mom
- You have to start making out time for yourself
- Carefully plan your kid’s and significant other’s meeting.
Honesty is key
When dating as a single mother, you can meet people who aren't ready for a relationship with a parent. It's better to find out sooner rather than later, so be honest about your status and be proud of being a parent - it's the most important thing many of us accomplish. Your kids are an important part of who you are and just how you live your life, and if you want prospective partners to feel the same way, state that you are a single mother on your profile. If you're meeting in person, bring up your kids early in the conversation.
The appropriate individual will not be deterred. Similarly, it's vital to be open and honest with your kids about your wish to date again. Although it may appear illogical, treat them as grownups and explain why you wish to meet someone fresh. There is no hard and fast rule on when your new partner and children should meet, but before they do, ask yourself and both parties how they feel about it. Basically, if your new spouse is becoming an important part of your life, it's time for them to meet your kids. It might be frightening for everyone concerned, but it is a necessary step that can be extremely rewarding.
Remember to have fun on your evenings
When you return to dating after a long absence, it may be both nerve-racking and exhilarating. If you have youngsters, make sure you plan adequate daycare ahead of time so you can relax on dates with the knowledge that your children are safe. And if you have a kid who feels alone easily, this might be the time to he gets used to not always having you around. An active dating life should not interfere with your time with your kids, and when things go well and you find someone amazing, it's crucial to be grounded and do things at your own pace. Having said that, if there is one golden rule, it is to have fun. You deserve it.
Have the "What if?" discussions
Even before they start dating, single parents have a series of talks with their children in which they question, "What if I started dating?" "How would you react?" They bring up the subject again and again: "What if Sara and I started dating regularly?" "What if John's kids dropped by every Friday during the summer?" "What if she and I decided to be married?"
Each conversation is both an assessment (How do my kids feel about these realities and possibilities?) and a discussion. and intervention because it prepares them for what may occur Smart single parents do not let their children's emotions drive their dating decisions, but they do listen and take into account how their kids are feeling (becoming a couple is up to you; whether or not you end up as a family is up to them). Engage in these talks throughout your dating life, especially as each step of a developing relationship approaches.
Give your older kids mild invitations
Teenagers and adult children must approach your dating partner at their own speed. You may be shooting yourself in the foot if you make it your goal to get them to accept your partner and relationship. As a single mother, your kids come first, so it’s better to let them know who you’re seeing when it’s getting serious. Create opportunities for them to meet each other rather than forcing it. Soft invitations such as, "Roger will be joining me for supper on Saturday." You are invited to join us if you’d like.” Respect each other and let relationships evolve at their own pace.
Plan the "meeting the kids" time carefully
Your children may meet your date early on, but the first few dates should be focused on the two of you. Begin by referring to your date as "a buddy," or if your children are prepared, call them your "date." Casual introductions are great when you first start dating someone but don't put your kids and the person together unless you are confident that the relationship has real potential. This is especially true for youngsters under the age of five, who can form attachments to someone you're dating faster than you can.
Whether or not you’re a lonely single mom, as a single parent, you owe your kids an introduction to who you’re seeing. As your interest in the person grows, become more deliberate about making time for your significant other and your children to get together. Start slowly and continue to observe and process everyone's anxieties or concerns. If the other person has children, it may be best to plan early get-togethers with only one pair of kids. You could, for example, do an activity with a friend and their children one weekend evenings and then invite your friend to join you and your children the following. It might be difficult to navigate numerous new relationships.
Separating the two families can be beneficial at first. But, if your romantic relationship continues to develop, you'll want to get everyone together for a shared activity at some point.