The experience of dating in your 30s as a single mom can be tricky, especially if you’re just getting back into the game after years of being out of it. The dating scene isn’t exactly the same for mothers finding love. To help you navigate the process, here are some things to know about dating as a single mom in your 30s that you should know before you get started.
Why is Dating Hard for Single Mothers Finding Love?
- Opportunities are scarce for mothers finding love
- Priorities and interest changes
- Out of control emotions
- Unrealistic expectations as a single mom
- Age is unlikely the problem
13 Things You Need to Know as a Single mom dating in your 30s
If you're a single mom and want to go back to dating, keep this in mind: men WILL still be interested in you if you have children. There. I did it. I'm sure of it, I've lived it daily. There are still men who are interested but aren't afraid to run when they meet or learn about your kids. There are also men who aren't interested in dating single mothers and that's okay. There are a myriad of reasons single mothers don't find a date easily: opportunities, age as well as priorities and standards are just some of the reasons. As time passes and the dating pool starts to shrink, you grow and so do the people around you. If you're still asking “is it worth it?” You can’t tell for sure unless you try. Consider the following tips to help you navigate the same waters other mothers finding love have navigated.
Being a novice even for mothers finding love is okay
Clocking 30s could make you feel like you've been on the block at least a couple of times. Dates can overestimate sexual, conversational, and romantic abilities. The list is endless. The fear that you will be "discovered" or seen as someone with "no game" can sometimes keep you from dating. You can still be inexperienced as a single mother, and parenting can make it harder to get the dating experience you might have missed. However, it’s okay if you’re a novice; as long as you know what you’re looking for in a partner.
Redress your wounds
In your 30s, dating can be a sign that you've had many previous relationship resentments. It is normal for a single mom to have baggage to handle from previously failed relationships. You just have to heal properly before considering another relationship. If you don't get healed of the wounds, you'll start to go through a series of relationships while parenting. Be aware of the fact that you still have hurts to heal from. Any emotional trauma that is not resolved can become a burden for your new partner and undermine your chances for an enjoyable relationship.
Be aware of who you are
The fastest way to relationship success is to know what you want and who you are. One of the worst things that can happen to you while dating in your 30s is to not understand yourself. This puts a strain on your dating life and you’ll only end up with people who don’t know how to treat you. You’ll also not know how to communicate your needs since you don't know what you want.
Don't think about the timeline
It is common to feel compelled to settle in your 30s even if your previous relationship has failed. Perhaps your friends are all engaged or married, and perhaps your parents are asking questions about the direction of your love life. If you want your children to grow in a home with both parental figures, you might be in a haste to date and accept anyone. However, several experts have advised against making decisions about your love life in the context of a timeline. It's possible to fall in love at any time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't let your the singleness of your life to convince you that something is wrong in you. You're not old. There's no law that states that dating must begin and end at a certain age.
- Close old wounds before entering another relationship
- Be honest about who you are and what you want in a partner
- No point in games
- Go out and stop relying on dating apps alone
- There's a large statistics of of single mothers finding love everyday.
Pay attention to your dating trends
As a single mom dating in your 30s, you must have had enough opportunity to identify patterns in your dating life. The trends you see are indicative of something. In the event that the pattern is favorable, you should try to recreate the same circumstances. For example, if, for instance, you’ve had pleasant dating experiences in the past when you were the one who initiated contact, follow the initiative more frequently! On the other hand, if you observe negative trends like being constantly abandoned, look into the root of the problem. Take a look at what you can learn from it and the patterns that you can find in each situation. Make adjustments depending on the need to repair your relationship.
Stop playing games
Mothers finding love know that there’s no time or point in playing games. Don't resort to tactics like waiting three days to text or call after a date. Reach out if you want to. If you want a second date, then go ahead and ask. The thing is that rejection will not be as painful because you've worked hard to heal yourself. Also, you'll know that it's a part of dating.
Learn about your money personality
In your 20s financial considerations might have not been a major thing, but it’s all different now as a single mom dating in your 30s. Financial issues become more significant than they were when you were younger. Financial issues in relationships are also among the main reasons for separation. GoBankingRates Statistics of married couples show that money is the leading cause of relationship stress by 35%. That’s why it’s important to ask yourself questions regarding your "personality of money." For instance, do you consider money to be a source of an instrument of status, power or as a means to enjoyment? It's important to find a person who views money in the same way you do, if you're looking to build a lasting relationship.
Have you decided on what you're looking for?
We're usually reluctant to be open and honest about our desires in fear of scaring people away. However, communicating your intentions is a must early in your relationship. If you're dating again as a single mother with the intention of getting married, make it known from the beginning. Don't be the overenthusiastic dater telling each person you date that they'll be your partner on the first date. However, be as clear as possible about your dating intentions. Being open about your desire for something serious can help you avoid people who are just looking to pass time with you. A clear and concise conversation can aid you in avoiding awkward situations later on when you're trying to find something informal. If you're able to turn some people away, the sooner the better.
How easily do you get attached?
As a single mom, you have to recognize your style of attachment to better understand why you behave the way you do in relationships. The more you know about your own personality the easier it is to assist a potential partner to comprehend your personality. Furthermore, you can work on eliminating any obstacles that keep you from developing a healthy romantic relationship. Don't be afraid to dive deep into your own self-awareness.
You should ensure that you don't approach the dating scene with a closed-minded view. People become so focused in finding someone who is their ideal "type" that they miss out on the ideal partner. Don't be confined to your dating pool with superficial criteria, like "tall and handsome." Being open requires vulnerability. Is it worth it? Yes, it is. That’s how you avoid wasting your time and energy.
Stop going after people for their potential
Sometimes, we stay with someone since we believe that they'll be an excellent partner someday and that could be in the future when their stress levels are less and/or when they eventually find an employment opportunity, or they become less defensive. Psychologists often describe this as creating fantasies of bonds. There isn't a magic wand to repair anyone. If someone has been set in their ways for the last 30 years, it's unlikely that you will change them. Be present in the moment rather than in the future.
Improve your communication abilities
Your communication skill must have improved from when your 20s as it is key to your success as a single mom dating in your 30s. Effective communication will aid in eliminating assumptions and making sure that both you and your partner are on the same track. Be sure to express your thoughts in a clear and concise manner.
Do not rely on only dating apps
Although dating apps can be an excellent way to meet individuals who aren't familiar, you can't be scared to step out of your comfort zone. Meet new people outside your comfort zone. Participate in social gatherings and be open to meeting individuals in different settings. You can also try blind dates. Your prospective partner might not be using a dating app.