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How do I communicate with my partner if I am not satisfied sexually?

Before I got married, I had a boyfriend who could satisfy me, who was as sexually charged and driven as I was, I made a big mistake. It was a mistake that came from being ashamed about my wild sex life and I had this thing about sex which came a lot from my insecurities and how I was brought up, even though I knew deep inside me that I’m a woman who loves sex, who saw nothing wrong with it, and who wanted a man to satisfy me everywhere with sex and I’d do the same for him; I fell for the shame trap. I married a nice man, culturally white, and middle class but he was awful at sex. He never initiated bold flirting with me when we met for the first time and when we got to know each other I thought he was just holding back. When we did get married, he was basic with sex, he wasn’t good at it, he didn’t satisfy me and I began to think a lot about my ex-boyfriend who knew how to satisfy me but I was brought up to believe in marriage, about a man either marrying me or we depart from the relationship. That was a mistake that rendered me with 6 years of hell with a man who was boring, sexually low, and didn’t satisfy me at all, the way my ex-boyfriend did. The problem now is that I don't know how to communicate with my partner that I am not sexually satisfied.

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From what I understand and the little experience i have gathered from situations like these, the best thing one can do is to talk to your partner. You know this man, like you said he is a nice man. The chances are if you bring up this matter, he will understand and try to make amends and make things better. Please remember that when you want to bring up matters like this, I believe you should say how you are feeling about the sex part of the relationship and not crticize or attack your partner or say what you think your partner is doing wrong.

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You just have to flat out have that talk. Even more pressing though, and I'm just going by what you've shared and correct me if I'm wrong but communication is foundational. If there exists a deep connection that comes through communication on a tantric level then without a doubt you (and your partner) will sexually satisfied beyond anything.

Unfortunately some guys can also get "bored" in the marriage which can lead to them being uninitiated. Some think "oh, I'm already married and have her already so..." but I totally digress, sorry. You just have to talk to him about it. Marriage is sacred but only if both are on the same page. Just my thoughts :) I hope all is well

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