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What do you do to manage the lack of male or female parental role model for your child?

Hello, so my boys and I have been living together for over 5 years now. Their dad hasn't been in the picture for a long time and there are some things I just know they can't learn from me neither would they willingly tell me. I also worry about my kids not having someone to look up to. I often get advice from people to be the best role model I can be for my boys and to provide them with support and love and that should be enough. However, raising kids can be a daunting task and they typically don’t make it any easier. And it gets worse when they begin to see your other partner as the ‘good guy’ and you as the villain. Nonetheless, how long have you been raising your kids alone and what do you do to manage your partner’s absence and role in your kids’ lives?

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Many things help me to manage the absence of a male presence in my kids' lives. The first thing I did was, to be honest in the simplest way possible to my children about what happened between their father and I. I try to assure and reassure them that the absence of their father has absolutely nothing to do with them. I also tried to spend more time with them, going for outings, going to parks with them to have fun. Another thing I try to do is to encourage them and make them spend time with my Dad, my brothers, and my uncle. This is also a way for them to have a fatherly figure in their lives and not to feel like they are missing too much out of not having a father.

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One thing I think that helped me to manage such absence is to talk positively about their mother, this woman is a part of them. If the children are secure that while their mother may not be around, she still loves them, then this will create a sense of belonging and confidence in their own ability. Share happy memories of when you were in love with her, go into details, revisit the story as many times as they want so they can understand and process it. Be ready to answer questions in a truthful way. Show them old photos that they can frame one on their bedside if they want.

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